| Turning the Heart Toward Tomekichi Taike — Entering His World — |
|---|
9. I Attempted a Dialogue with My Father |
|---|
Human beings will eventually die.
What state awaits us after death?
Even after we die, will we still be able to communicate?
When we die, we return to a world where only we ourselves exist.
The expression "return" may suggest going somewhere, but that is not the case.
By firmly turning your heart toward the world of Tomekichi Taike,
and aligning the needle of your heart with that world,
you will begin to feel, from within your heart, that a human being does not simply vanish.
In other words, you come to sense that even after death, you still exist.
As I have written so far, it has been nearly twenty years since I began learning under Tomekichi Taike.
During that time, the greatest turning point for me was the death of my father.
It has now been almost ten years since he passed away in January 2001.
Of course, during those years, I believe I have sincerely continued my learning in the direction indicated by Tomekichi Taike.
Ten years may seem like a short time, but the difference between who I was then and who I am now—especially in my understanding of the world of consciousness—is profound.
In my present state, I felt that perhaps I could help my father—who passed away with little exposure to this learning—sense something.
During his lifetime, my father had wished to meet Tomekichi Taike in the physical form, but that wish was never fulfilled.
Remembering that time, I began to hope that I might be able to convey, even just a little, the world I now feel within my heart to my father's consciousness.
The reason I feel such a deep attachment toward my father is that it was the event of his death that marked the beginning of what this teaching calls a "turning of consciousness" for me.
Through that experience, I came to truly feel in my heart that human beings continue to exist even after death—
that our true nature is not form.
That is why it would not be an exaggeration to say that, from that moment in January 2001, I began to walk the true path in earnest.
I was blessed with such an opportunity, and by taking it as a turning point, my path toward truth began to accelerate rapidly.
Of course, even before that, I had already begun to feel something within my heart.
There had been a preliminary stage in which I felt the vibration of truth and experienced its impact.
Because I had been preparing myself—gathering momentum for the time to come—I believe I was able to fully make use of that opportunity.
To the consciousness of my father, who played a significant role in the plan of my present lifetime,
I wished to convey warmth—
to offer even the faintest moment in which his tightly closed heart might gently loosen.
At the same time, I felt that this would be a valuable opportunity to verify within myself what Tomekichi Taike had conveyed.
If one truly learns with the heart,
one can work as vibration, as energy.
And to do so is, in fact, the very reason human beings are born—
the joy of taking on the form of the physical body.
Through this endeavor, I intend to confirm that truth within my own heart.
After taking a deep breath into my lower abdomen, I gently close my eyes, align my heart with Tomekichi Taike, and call out to my father.
I attempted this process five times, leaving some time between each attempt.
Mr. Shintaro Shiokawa, it has already been ten years since you left your physical body.
At that time, I was learning together with your consciousness.
Now, I am turning my thoughts toward your consciousness.
From then until now, I have continued to learn—to look within my own heart, to think of the Mother, and to discover within myself a world of warmth—a vast, gentle, and tender world, where my true self exists.
There is indeed a world that has reached my heart.
There is a world of warmth.
Within me, I have felt myself living in warmth, in joy, in the gentle, gentle presence of the Mother.
Now, I turn my thoughts toward that, and I would like to speak with you.
I will direct my heart.
The language of vibrations.
Can you understand?
I am speaking to you.
This is the vibration of warmth.
I am directing my thoughts toward you.
……
The language of vibrations.
……
Father, I have turned my thoughts toward your consciousness.
I feel that you are in a world where you want to speak—want to speak, want to speak—yet cannot.
A heavy, heavy, deeply burdened world.
But I will continue to tell you this:
You are warmth.
Within your heart, there are gentle, tender feelings.
I will keep conveying this to you.
I will continue to do so.
When I think of you, Father, only feelings of gratitude arise.
Please, open your heart.
Please, open your heart.
The language of vibrations.
"I sought God.
I lived bound within my heart.
Within this heart that has cut and torn itself apart, there was a cold, cold self.
There was a suffering self.
I lived by suppressing myself."
From within his suffering, my father's consciousness spoke just a little.
I sensed from his consciousness the presence of what could be called "spiritual discipline."
That he was able to speak, even just a little, from a world where speech is nearly impossible, brought me joy.
Perhaps, even if only slightly, his consciousness felt warmth.
I will wait a little while longer, and then I will speak again to my father's consciousness.
How will it change?
Change means that energy is at work.
I will continue to learn by feeling that energy within myself.
My father never knew the physical form of Tomekichi Taike.
He heard his voice only once, over the telephone.
I am grateful that, through this practice, I can learn with my own heart how his consciousness will change from here.
When we leave the physical body, we return to a world where only we ourselves exist.
Even realizing that one has died is not easy.
Without realizing it, one may simply become fixed in that state.
Or, the moment one thinks, "I have died,"
one's own dark energy may surge up and engulf everything.
That, I believe, is the reality after death.
One sinks into a cold, heavy darkness and remains frozen there.
To speak would be nearly impossible.
Keeping this in mind, let us continue our learning.
What state is your own world of consciousness in?
It is essential to confirm this within yourself as you live your present life.
Opportunities to confirm this will begin to appear around each of us as phenomena.
Together with those phenomena, we simply continue to look steadily at ourselves.
At that time, there will be no physical presence of Tomekichi Taike—
only yourself, looking within.
To look at yourself with joy, and to feel joy while doing so—
this is a step that connects your heart to the next lifetime.
Since a few months before my father's death, memories of learning together with his consciousness have been returning to me.
Recently, I have begun to feel a desire to learn with him once again.
Today as well, I turned my thoughts toward his consciousness.
Mr. Shintaro Shiokawa,
we are all, all of us, within the gentle warmth of the Mother.
Our true world is a world of warmth.
The world in which you bound yourself and suffered is not the true world.
You lived suppressing yourself.
You sought God, sought Buddha, again and again—
it was painful, wasn't it?
You abandoned the Mother, abandoned her warmth,
and wandered alone in loneliness.
And yet, you were given a physical body from the Mother at the same time as we were.
Even so, you continued to bind your heart and spent your life confined within your own inner cave.
But just before your death,
surely, you felt a little of that warmth.
Through the world of Tomekichi Taike,
I conveyed that warmth to you.
You expressed your gratitude while still in your physical body,
and then you completed that life.
You returned to your own world.
Your physical body is no longer here.
But I can feel your presence.
From within my heart, I am calling out to you.
What I wish is simply this:
to convey warmth to you.
Even just a little—
I want you to feel it.
Please, open your heart,
and turn your thoughts toward the truth that you are warmth.
The language of vibrations.
I am calling out to you now.
With thoughts of warmth, I call out to you.
Anything is fine—
please, speak of yourself.
The language of vibrations.
"Ah… ah… ah…
Ah, I am within this heavy pressure…
But… to be able to speak now… I am… ha… happy…
Ha… ha… ah…
I can… breathe… a little…
Ha… I can breathe…"
Even if only a little,
please know that although you are in a heavy, narrow, dark world,
there is also an open, warm, and bright world.
I want to continue conveying this.
Because I, too, was once in such a place.
I am you, and you are me.
I will direct gentle thoughts toward all consciousnesses.
Ah… Mother… thank you…
The language of vibrations.
Ah… Tomekichi Taike… I feel joy.
I feel the joy of turning my heart.
I feel the joy of directing my heart toward the darkest of worlds—
toward those consciousnesses trapped in darkness so deep they cannot even breathe.
I want to convey this.
I want to keep conveying it.
The more I turn my heart,
the more joy flows within me.
A deep, deep joy.
A gentle, gentle, truly gentle feeling.
I am so happy.
How long I have waited for this moment…
What rises from within my heart
is the long-awaited joy of consciousness itself.
Once again, I turn my thoughts toward my father.
I direct gentle thoughts toward his consciousness.
I convey that we are together—
the heart given by the Mother.
I am you, and you are me.
We have both expanded the world of darkness.
Let us now look within our hearts together.
Yes… yes… yes…
To speak one's thoughts becomes joy.
To be able to speak is joy.
Even speaking just a little brings joy.
Within me, I feel joy and warmth.
Amidst vast energies,
I sense just a small portion of joyful, warm energy.
A little of the Mother's feeling has reached me.
When I feel gentle thoughts within the darkness of my heart,
I can speak of myself.
My heart loosens a little,
and I feel the joy of expressing myself.
This heart has lived long in suffering.
I was told:
"Turn your thoughts toward the Mother."
When I do so, these thoughts arise:
A heart that has turned away from the Mother,
a heart that sank into that state,
a heart that lived without ever turning toward the Mother—
that pain has remained deeply within me.
But when I turn toward warmth,
I now feel the desire to speak more and more.
I feel like calling out, "Mother."
I want to call out, "Mother."
Within me, where I could not call out sincerely,
a small expansion has begun—
a desire to call out sincerely.
Within me, there was joy.
There was sincerity.
There was a self who could call out, "Mother," with sincerity.
I had lived in deep suffering,
never knowing the warmth of the Mother.
Carrying so much darkness,
remaining closed off,
living in heavy darkness—
and yet now, gentle thoughts are reaching me.
I want to receive them firmly.
Please let me speak my heart.
Please let me continue to speak.
Call to me.
Direct your thoughts toward me.
That is what I am expressing.
Father, please try to turn your heart.
You are living within the Mother.
You exist within the Mother.
Yes, please turn your heart, Father.
The language of vibrations.
Yes… yes… yes… thank you.
Thank you for turning your heart.
Thank you for directing your thoughts.
Thank you for turning your heart toward me.
Father, please begin to look at the heart with which you have pressed your hands together and prayed.
The heart that presses hands together in prayer is cold.
It has been sending out cold, cold thoughts.
Within you, there was peace—
the soft, gentle warmth of the Mother.
You are within that as well.
With your hands together, what have you been seeking outside yourself?
A lonely heart, a cold heart—
yes, you were very lonely.
You lived by disciplining yourself.
From the past, you have imposed such a way of living upon yourself.
Pressing your hands together, restraining yourself,
pushing yourself into a cold world—
let us gently, little by little,
melt that inner state with the warmth of the Mother.
Father, can you understand?
I am always speaking to you.
There is peace within your heart.
You are warmth.
You are gentle.
Please, soften that hardened heart—
the heart that has prayed and pressed its hands together—
with warmth.
Let us move forward together.
Please direct your thoughts.
The language of vibrations.
Yes… warmth is reaching me.
I feel the warmth.
I will begin to look at the heart that has been praying with hands pressed together.
Mother… I am sorry.
Yes… there was a heart that sought the Mother.
I was in loneliness.
I sought the Mother, yet I could do nothing about that loneliness.
Now, within this warm feeling, I am able to speak.
Yes… I will begin to remove, little by little,
the lid that has sealed the heart
that pressed its hands together and suppressed itself.
Please, teach me more.
What is God?
What is Buddha?
Who am I?
As one who served God and Buddha,
I wished to expand that world endlessly.
There were times when I taught others.
I spread a very difficult world.
There was a time when I used my intellect to explain the heart.
Ah… I remember.
Yes… it was painful.
I remember the time when I was practicing austerities.
Yes… I underwent discipline.
With my heart closed, having abandoned the Mother,
I disciplined myself—
because I wanted to expand the world of God and Buddha within my heart.
I have repeated many mistakes.
Now… yes… I am able to speak like this.
Little by little,
I begin to recall the warmth of the Mother within my heart.
Yes… I will look at the thoughts
that I have held in prayer within my heart.
Mother… Mother… Mother…
Yes… I will continue to look at that heart.
The language of vibrations.
Together with the language of vibrations,
and together with my father's consciousness,
I thought of the warmth of the Mother.
Turning my heart toward Tomekichi Taike,
once again, I direct my thoughts toward my father.
The language of vibrations.
Father, I am calling out to your heart.
Father, please try to speak your thoughts.
The language of vibrations.
Father, your world of consciousness is still deeply within suffering.
And yet, when I turn my thoughts toward you,
I feel that you are asking me:
"Please, let me speak… please, call out to me."
I simply think of you,
and I wish to convey this feeling—
the warmth of the Mother.
Within you as well,
the warmth of the Mother has always lived.
You have always been within that warmth—
this is what I am telling you.
Perhaps, even now,
you are beginning to feel a gentle thought.
It is your own gentleness.
It is your own peace.
To you, who have remained closed within a heavy darkness,
I wish to convey—even if only faintly—
the you who is warmth, the you who is peace.
From now on as well,
in quiet moments,
I will think of you.
When I saw you off at the crematorium,
I made a promise:
that we would meet again in 250 years.
Even now, I still hold that thought.
From here on,
you will be reborn on this Earth several times.
Taking on a physical body,
you will create your own scenario.
Yes… that is so.
Father, I am speaking to you now.
Yes… yes… thank you.
Thank you.
Within my heart… yes… I feel peace.
I… yes… I wanted to feel this world with my heart.
Yes… and I too… I too wish to walk together.
Yes… I now feel this.
I will soon be reborn.
In preparation for a time 250 years from now,
when I will find joy in speaking of Tomekichi Taike within my heart,
I will undergo several rebirths.
I am preparing opportunities for myself
to look within my own heart.
I have promised myself
to dismantle the world of God and Buddha within me.
It may be a difficult rebirth,
but I wish—no, I will—meet you again in 250 years.
I speak now through peace.
I speak now through warmth.
My world of consciousness is still filled with suffering.
And yet,
I want to feel and trust this peace and warmth within my heart.
That is why I once again make a request to the Mother:
This time,
I wish to be born in order to truly look within myself.
Now, I am speaking from my heart.
It is peace and warmth that are allowing me to speak.
Yes… I have made a promise to myself
to feel Tomekichi Taike within my heart
through my future rebirths.
I am the consciousness of Shintaro Shiokawa.
As you have conveyed,
I will surely meet you again in 250 years.
I will soon be reborn.
That place may be America.
Or perhaps, once again, China.
In order to clearly face the world of God and Buddha within myself,
I will be reborn as a religious person.
A difficult rebirth awaits me—
yet still, I will walk together with you.
Thank you.
The language of vibrations.
I want to return together—
together.
Father, thank you for speaking your heart.
You said, "I will look within my heart."
I want to trust that feeling.
Please continue to speak within me.
Each time, I will turn my thoughts toward you.
A feeling is spreading within me—
that we will walk together, together.
Next Chapter |
|---|